Hey everyone, I hope the New Year is off to an eventful start for each and every one of you. Let me start this blog out with a little story.

An older man using a walking cane slowly walks up to a counter on a cold and cloudy day, and inquires about a cup of coffee, stating he was chilled, and a warm cup of coffee would do him good.  Jokingly he tells the barista, “Luckily you’ve got all the hot drinks you can want. Lucky dog.” he and the barista share a moment of laughter.  So he inquires to the barista, “What’s the going rate for a cup of coffee?” as he is reaching for his billfold.  When he realizes its not in his pocket he looks around, shocked, and a bit embarrassed; and points out of the window, to his car parked in the lot. “It’s just so cold outside, let me see if my daughter has it in her purse before I walk back out to the car.  I just can’t move as fast as I used to when I was your age” and chuckles as he looks for his daughter.  

When the middle-aged daughter notices her father at the counter, she rushes over and asks almost annoyed, “what are you getting into over here dad?!” to which the father replied, “well I was asking this young man for a cup of coffee, but I realized that I left my wallet in the car.  Do you happen to have the price of a cup of coffee in your purse, if not I’ll walk out to the car and get my wallet?”  The daughter, whose face was neither smiling nor glaring before, immediately turned into a frown as she slammed her purse on the counter. “Dad I just knew I should not have brought you with me today.  I should have left you at home, so I could run my errands in peace.  Instead, I have to pay for YOUR things, when I’ve got my own things I wanted to buy.  Who even says the ‘price of a cup of coffee?’ that makes no sense.” she continues to mutter as she is fishing around her purse…. 

The barista catches the eyes of the older gentleman as they look around, and then find some place on the ground to focus on.  Clearly embarrassed by his daughter who is snarling words at him, and cutting away at the dignity of a man who was just laughing and having a great day.  The barista turns and walks away to clean a counter which is already spotless, in an attempt to spare the old man any more embarrassment from the onslaught.  The old man looks over to his daughter who is tearing through her purse with eyes glaring to the depths of her belongings and quietly remarks, “ I can walk out to the car and get my wallet, I didn’t mean to upset you, it’s just cold outside. I’m sorry.” She snatches out a wallet from her purse and flips out a credit card and shoves it in the direction of the barista, “Here, pay for the coffee he wants, I’ve got no cash.”  The barista realizes that this man was just looking for a beverage to warm his cold body, probably no longer even wanted the drink at this expense.  His previously cold body definitely hot with embarrassment as his cheeks were now red…”

–Have you ever been involved in an uncomfortable situation like this? From either perspective, the recipient of a verbal smack down, or the delivery person of a tongue-lashing?  Let me be the first to tell you, if you aren’t aware of it already: “Words CAN and WILL hurt.”

Words like “Don’t ever cut your hair again.” said to anyone, can be hurtful.  It was to me, and typically things like that just bounce off. I’ve got a fairly thick skin, after having heard just about every insult a person can probably hear.  These 6 words cut deep momentarily, then after that I was pissed, immediately followed by a feeling of dismissal and sadness for that person.  Let me give you the background story.

In October, I had shaved my head for a very near and dear friend of mine.  She is fighting one of life’s most dangerous battles, stage-4 ovarian cancer, all the while trying to be a supportive parent to her daughter who is also battling cancer. Cancer just sucks…… there really is no eloquent way to put it.

The treatments had started to thin her hair out and she was going to cut it all off, before cancer and her chemotherapy treatments robbed her of it.  I remember having a conversation with her in the early morning hours, and just being upset that she was doing this alone.  I had asked her repeatedly to allow me to shave my head with her, so she wouldn’t have to do it alone. Initially she said no, actually, she said no probably 50 times.

Finally she allowed me to do it with her.  I was shocked at her finally agreeing to it, and then immediately had a moment of doubt, “oh no, what did I get myself into?” ran through my head as I ran my fingers through my thick hair… After that moment, it was the last time I ever thought twice about it.  I was beyond excited to cut my hair, and to share this moment with my friend Vanessa.

Vanessa is a former co-worker of mine, and we had shared many many bouts of laughter, and a few tears (sometimes from laughing so hard you couldn’t breath, and so tears are forced from your eyeballs.) haha, more than just a coworker though, I consider Vanessa and her family to be an extension of my own.  I shaved my head, and the entire time thinking about the fun Halloween costumes I could do. (I wanted to paint myself gold and go as “Buddha” no religious discrimination intended; it just would have been funny.) we laughed and joked that and other things throughout the day…. I had cut my hair, and not just short but it was like 5-o-clock-shadow short. I was still happy though, because I got to share that moment with Vanessa, and hopefully made it just a tiny bit less scary and a bit funnier.  I was so content with my new look. I had never had a more fulfilling haircut in my life.

Right after we both shaved our heads……

I wore my bald head with pride, and only wore a beanie the immediate day after because it was raining, and if you’ve never shaved your head before, and had rain touch your scalp…. HOLY MOLY! IT IS REALLY FRICKIN’ COLD!!! I got the opportunity to share Vanessa’s story across the state and have people send their thoughts and prayers to my dear friend and her family.

If you want to donate funds for her family, that would be fantastic, but not required. Here is the link to their page https://www.gofundme.com/daynastrong so you can read a bit more about it.

So bringing it back to words can hurt. They can, and will ONLY if you allow them to dictate your feelings.  While I wanted to tell that callous, materialistic person that said that to me, a number of very colorful and inappropriate phrases chose not to.  I chose not to feed in to her hatefulness, as that will only fuel the fire of hate that much more.

I guess the big picture and point to this blog is that we never know what someone is going through, and we all need to think carefully before we cast judgment on someone or his or her situation.  Whether it is a bald head, a homeless person, or an older man walking with a cup of coffee.  Who are we to cast judgment upon them?  We don’t know what led them to their decisions/choices.

We can’t always assume that the 18 year old with slicked back hair and hoodie is a “druggie” and has “some real real problems.”  We can however choose to spread light and love to everyone.  To share a smile and a simple hello to a passerby, to buy an old man a cup of coffee, or to play a game of cards with someone.  Do that and I promise, your day will be better.

Until next time…. love fiercely, smile, and spread light and love….

—L