advice

a bald head, and a remark.

/ lioneltorres / Leave a comment

Hey everyone, I hope the New Year is off to an eventful start for each and every one of you. Let me start this blog out with a little story.

 

An older man using a walking cane slowly walks up to a counter on a cold and cloudy day, and inquires about a cup of coffee, stating he was chilled, and a warm cup of coffee would do him good.  Jokingly he tells the barista, “Luckily you’ve got all the hot drinks you can want. Lucky dog.” he and the barista share a moment of laughter.  So he inquires to the barista, “What’s the going rate for a cup of coffee?” as he is reaching for his billfold.  When he realizes its not in his pocket he looks around, shocked, and a bit embarrassed; and points out of the window, to his car parked in the lot. “It’s just so cold outside, let me see if my daughter has it in her purse before I walk back out to the car.  I just can’t move as fast as I used to when I was your age” and chuckles as he looks for his daughter.  

 

When the middle-aged daughter notices her father at the counter, she rushes over and asks almost annoyed, “what are you getting into over here dad?!” to which the father replied, “well I was asking this young man for a cup of coffee, but I realized that I left my wallet in the car.  Do you happen to have the price of a cup of coffee in your purse, if not I’ll walk out to the car and get my wallet?”  The daughter, whose face was neither smiling nor glaring before, immediately turned into a frown as she slammed her purse on the counter. “Dad I just knew I should not have brought you with me today.  I should have left you at home, so I could run my errands in peace.  Instead, I have to pay for YOUR things, when I’ve got my own things I wanted to buy.  Who even says the ‘price of a cup of coffee?’ that makes no sense.” she continues to mutter as she is fishing around her purse…. 

 

 

The barista catches the eyes of the older gentleman as they look around, and then find some place on the ground to focus on.  Clearly embarrassed by his daughter who is snarling words at him, and cutting away at the dignity of a man who was just laughing and having a great day.  The barista turns and walks away to clean a counter which is already spotless, in an attempt to spare the old man any more embarrassment from the onslaught.  The old man looks over to his daughter who is tearing through her purse with eyes glaring to the depths of her belongings and quietly remarks, “ I can walk out to the car and get my wallet, I didn’t mean to upset you, it’s just cold outside. I’m sorry.” She snatches out a wallet from her purse and flips out a credit card and shoves it in the direction of the barista, “Here, pay for the coffee he wants, I’ve got no cash.”  The barista realizes that this man was just looking for a beverage to warm his cold body, probably no longer even wanted the drink at this expense.  His previously cold body definitely hot with embarrassment as his cheeks were now red…”

 

 

–Have you ever been involved in an uncomfortable situation like this? From either perspective, the recipient of a verbal smack down, or the delivery person of a tongue-lashing?  Let me be the first to tell you, if you aren’t aware of it already: “Words CAN and WILL hurt.”

 

Words like “Don’t ever cut your hair again.” said to anyone, can be hurtful.  It was to me, and typically things like that just bounce off. I’ve got a fairly thick skin, after having heard just about every insult a person can probably hear.  These 6 words cut deep momentarily, then after that I was pissed, immediately followed by a feeling of dismissal and sadness for that person.  Let me give you the background story.

 

In October, I had shaved my head for a very near and dear friend of mine.  She is fighting one of life’s most dangerous battles, stage-4 ovarian cancer, all the while trying to be a supportive parent to her daughter who is also battling cancer. Cancer just sucks…… there really is no eloquent way to put it.

 

The treatments had started to thin her hair out and she was going to cut it all off, before cancer and her chemotherapy treatments robbed her of it.  I remember having a conversation with her in the early morning hours, and just being upset that she was doing this alone.  I had asked her repeatedly to allow me to shave my head with her, so she wouldn’t have to do it alone. Initially she said no, actually, she said no probably 50 times.

 

Finally she allowed me to do it with her.  I was shocked at her finally agreeing to it, and then immediately had a moment of doubt, “oh no, what did I get myself into?” ran through my head as I ran my fingers through my thick hair… After that moment, it was the last time I ever thought twice about it.  I was beyond excited to cut my hair, and to share this moment with my friend Vanessa.

 

Vanessa is a former co-worker of mine, and we had shared many many bouts of laughter, and a few tears (sometimes from laughing so hard you couldn’t breath, and so tears are forced from your eyeballs.) haha, more than just a coworker though, I consider Vanessa and her family to be an extension of my own.  I shaved my head, and the entire time thinking about the fun Halloween costumes I could do. (I wanted to paint myself gold and go as “Buddha” no religious discrimination intended; it just would have been funny.) we laughed and joked that and other things throughout the day…. I had cut my hair, and not just short but it was like 5-o-clock-shadow short. I was still happy though, because I got to share that moment with Vanessa, and hopefully made it just a tiny bit less scary and a bit funnier.  I was so content with my new look. I had never had a more fulfilling haircut in my life.

 

Right after we both shaved our heads……

 

I wore my bald head with pride, and only wore a beanie the immediate day after because it was raining, and if you’ve never shaved your head before, and had rain touch your scalp…. HOLY MOLY! IT IS REALLY FRICKIN’ COLD!!! I got the opportunity to share Vanessa’s story across the state and have people send their thoughts and prayers to my dear friend and her family.

beanie

If you want to donate funds for her family, that would be fantastic, but not required. Here is the link to their page https://www.gofundme.com/daynastrong so you can read a bit more about it.

 

 

So bringing it back to words can hurt. They can, and will ONLY if you allow them to dictate your feelings.  While I wanted to tell that callous, materialistic person that said that to me, a number of very colorful and inappropriate phrases chose not to.  I chose not to feed in to her hatefulness, as that will only fuel the fire of hate that much more.

 

I guess the big picture and point to this blog is that we never know what someone is going through, and we all need to think carefully before we cast judgment on someone or his or her situation.  Whether it is a bald head, a homeless person, or an older man walking with a cup of coffee.  Who are we to cast judgment upon them?  We don’t know what led them to their decisions/choices.

 

We can’t always assume that the 18 year old with slicked back hair and hoodie is a “druggie” and has “some real real problems.”  We can however choose to spread light and love to everyone.  To share a smile and a simple hello to a passerby, to buy an old man a cup of coffee, or to play a game of cards with someone.  Do that and I promise, your day will be better.

 

Until next time…. love fiercely, smile, and spread light and love….

 

—L

 

 

My cat can fly

/ lioneltorres / 3 Comments

Empowerment….

what is it? well in a nutshell it basically means to promote self-actualization, and broken down even further and using terms I am sure we have ALL heard at one point or another. “reaching your full potential.”I know for the most part, everyone at some point in their life has heard this from someone, whether it be a parent, an employer, or an educator.  My high school dramatic arts teacher at one time or another told me that a time or two something along the lines of, “you can do so much better, you haven’t done your best work, now try it again” these statements usually followed a minuscule effort put forth by yours truly…  I swear I heard that more in my high school career than the average person from my parents and educators, and guess what?!  They were right, and I have told both my Dramatic Arts instructor, and mentor thank you for pushing me to be the best I could be.  I am so excited anytime I hear someone I know has a child enrolled in her class, because they aren’t going to be taught only about the dramatic arts, but they are going to be empowered with valuable skills that will help them throughout the rest of their lives….
Now as an adult, I find myself in the same position, looking at others imagining and wishing they could see themselves how I see them, capable of greatness, and so much more.
 For several years I worked as a program assistant, providing educationally creative programming to young people, trying to help them reach their full potential.  When their was a task at hand, it was all work, but when it was time to play, oh yeah, it was time to play trust me, because playtime for young people, is just as important as time spent focusing on an educational task. I’ve been hit by more basketballs, gator-skin balls, and footballs than I care to count, and trust me, kids throw faster than you realize, ha!  Now at one period of time while working there, I was tasked with helping one of the many incredible youth prepare a speech to use in a competition.  This competition, if won, would provide him scholarship money to continue his education.  I made him work hard, and trust me, he knew it, and I knew it.  At one point there was a goof-up oh his end that resulted up with him voicing his opinion about me, TO ME, and not his friends.  It was comical, and I laughed immediately as the following message was a serious back-pedal, and avoidance of me.  He was done working, and it was clear he needed to play, even at 17 years old.  To make an incredibly long story shorter, he won the competition, and received the scholarship…  On numerous occasions following it, he thanked me for pushing him so hard.  My response almost every time was the same, “I knew you could do it, I knew you could do something amazing, YOU just had to realize you could do it.”
Holy smokes, I had become my parents/teachers/employers……..  Now there wasn’t some grandiose moment of realization on my part, it was more of an “ah ha” moment, and thinking “That’s what they meant.”  When you help someone become a better version of themselves, it feels good, and you know you did your part to change the world.
Now why did I go into this drawn-out explanation about my past?  Barbie, a company that makes toys for children recently released a commercial that hit a soft spot.  Here I’ll just let you see for yourself.
When children play, they can be anything they want to be.  Imaginations run wild, and they can be a superhero princess saving the world from giant trolls, a Jedi swinging his light saber, or a doctor curing the most severe case of cooties that this world has ever seen, because Lizzy touched their stuffed animal.  Allowing your child time to be creative, isn’t limiting their education, it’s expanding their ability to play, to think, and to see themselves as something greater than they have yet to achieve.
This ad campaign by Barbie isn’t so much about playtime, as it is about empowering young people to achieve greatness……
Until next time, love fiercely, smile, work hard  play, and empower others.
Much Love,
—L
—

The winds of change……

/ lioneltorres / 1 Comment

Imagine with me for just a second…

You are on the edge of a cliff at night, staring at the rolling waves below.  You can barely see them, but you know they are there.  Darkness has fallen over the water, and it has created an unknown environment.  In the distance you see a light-house, a beacon in the night, ushering you towards it.  The only problem is, you have to jump into the water, and swim in order to make it to the other side.  What is going through your mind? Is it safe to jump in?  Do you dare to take the risk? What if there is danger? What if you can’t swim hard enough, and the darkness envelopes you?  What if you get too far, and realize you are too scared and the only thing you want to do, is go back to what’s known and safe; but the only catch is that you’ve jumped off the cliff, and there is no way to get back to it.

That, in a nutshell is what I am going through.  If you know me at all, you know what I probably do as a “Job.” I get paid to change the world just the tiniest bit every day.  I work with young humans, and try to guide them in a positive direction using my words, actions, and sometimes non-verbal communications.  Am I perfect? oh heck no, I make mistakes on a daily basis.  I sometimes say the wrong thing, or make a remark that dampens their mood, but all that being said.  I would like to say, that I’ve created a bond and connection with each and every youth that I’ve come in contact with at work.  There are some that I’ve known since I first started in 2008, and some that I just met within the last few weeks.  Each of them holds something special to me, and I love each of them dearly.  Some are easier than others and some, well, lets just be real for a second here guys, EVERYONE that is reading this; at some point in your life, has watched “The Simpsons.” Well you know how sometimes Bart is acting completely crazy, and out of control and Homer ends up wringing his neck.  Yeah well, I don’t do that, because that’s child abuse, but I’ve felt like Homer a time or two…. but even the Bart Simpson’s of the world have something lovable about them.

So I’ve been there since 2008, and this facility has watched me grow up… literally.  I went there as a kid, and then came back to work as an adult.  As an adult, it has helped me grow, and mature, and in the most sincerest way possible.  It saved me from myself.

Here’s why I’m filling you all in on this… Ready for it?

I’m leaving……. Tomorrow is my last day for a while.

Not forever, I’m not going to the moon, (although that would be pretty stinkin’ amazing) but I am leaving.  After spending the last 7 years of my life in one place I’m going on a new adventure.  This has been a long time in the making, and I’ve worked every little detail out, and it’s really happening.  I’m leaving…  Am I scared? oh yeah.  I’m absolutely terrified.  there is so much fear in the unknown.  But I’ll be back at the end of summer.

That being said, when we push ourselves to the limits and outside of our comfort zone.  It forces us to adapt to the change and most importantly to grow…..  We find ourselves discovering new-found strength and re-igniting the fires of passion and drive.  So while I am terrified, and fearful of ever-looming fact that I might not be as successful as I’d hoped.  I am so excited to embark on this journey of growth and exploration.  I am exhilarated to find out what I am made of.  I am thrilled to find out what new sense of resiliency I might have that is just beneath my conscious mind.  In a way, I am returning to my roots with my adventure, but in an entirely different capacity.

I realize that I’ve been elusive on what I will actually be doing when I leave the Youth Center, and that is intentional.  Not because I want to deceive you all, but it really and truly doesn’t matter.  What matters is the message.  I am that kid standing at the cliff, looking out at the water that is my new adventure…. the lighthouse is my end-game, and the proverbial light doesn’t amount to death (so please don’t take this in a morbid sense), it amounts to a new day as a changed person.  A person that can look forward, and not look back.  I am jumping off the cliff into the water, nervous about the journey across, and knowing that looking backwards to safety (that is my current life-which I love… don’t think I don’t) is there.  But in order to grow, I have to do this, not for anyone else, but for me.  I have to know what that light-house is……. I will struggle, and I will stress-out on things.  But I will succeed, because I know that I am capable of handling infinitely more than I am comfortable with.

So, I will leave you all with this.

If you find yourself in a similar situation….. I urge you to dive head-first into the waters of the unknown, as long as you know where you are coming from and where you want to go. the Journey is everything you need to grow, although the waters may be rocky, don’t get scared and turn back. Press onward my strong friends. I know I will… My view for the summer.

That’s all for now, until next time my friends, be well, love fiercely, smile, and push yourself outside of your comfort-zone. I think you might enjoy it.

–L