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Hey everyone, I hope the New Year is off to an eventful start for each and every one of you. Let me start this blog out with a little story.

An older man using a walking cane slowly walks up to a counter on a cold and cloudy day, and inquires about a cup of coffee, stating he was chilled, and a warm cup of coffee would do him good. Jokingly he tells the barista, “Luckily you’ve got all the hot drinks you can want. Lucky dog.” he and the barista share a moment of laughter. So he inquires to the barista, “What’s the going rate for a cup of coffee?” as he is reaching for his billfold. When he realizes its not in his pocket he looks around, shocked, and a bit embarrassed; and points out of the window, to his car parked in the lot. “It’s just so cold outside, let me see if my daughter has it in her purse before I walk back out to the car. I just can’t move as fast as I used to when I was your age” and chuckles as he looks for his daughter.

When the middle-aged daughter notices her father at the counter, she rushes over and asks almost annoyed, “what are you getting into over here dad?!” to which the father replied, “well I was asking this young man for a cup of coffee, but I realized that I left my wallet in the car. Do you happen to have the price of a cup of coffee in your purse, if not I’ll walk out to the car and get my wallet?” The daughter, whose face was neither smiling nor glaring before, immediately turned into a frown as she slammed her purse on the counter. “Dad I just knew I should not have brought you with me today. I should have left you at home, so I could run my errands in peace. Instead, I have to pay for YOUR things, when I’ve got my own things I wanted to buy. Who even says the ‘price of a cup of coffee?’ that makes no sense.” she continues to mutter as she is fishing around her purse….

The barista catches the eyes of the older gentleman as they look around, and then find some place on the ground to focus on. Clearly embarrassed by his daughter who is snarling words at him, and cutting away at the dignity of a man who was just laughing and having a great day. The barista turns and walks away to clean a counter which is already spotless, in an attempt to spare the old man any more embarrassment from the onslaught. The old man looks over to his daughter who is tearing through her purse with eyes glaring to the depths of her belongings and quietly remarks, “ I can walk out to the car and get my wallet, I didn’t mean to upset you, it’s just cold outside. I’m sorry.” She snatches out a wallet from her purse and flips out a credit card and shoves it in the direction of the barista, “Here, pay for the coffee he wants, I’ve got no cash.” The barista realizes that this man was just looking for a beverage to warm his cold body, probably no longer even wanted the drink at this expense. His previously cold body definitely hot with embarrassment as his cheeks were now red…”

–Have you ever been involved in an uncomfortable situation like this? From either perspective, the recipient of a verbal smack down, or the delivery person of a tongue-lashing? Let me be the first to tell you, if you aren’t aware of it already: “Words CAN and WILL hurt.”

Words like “Don’t ever cut your hair again.” said to anyone, can be hurtful. It was to me, and typically things like that just bounce off. I’ve got a fairly thick skin, after having heard just about every insult a person can probably hear. These 6 words cut deep momentarily, then after that I was pissed, immediately followed by a feeling of dismissal and sadness for that person. Let me give you the background story.

In October, I had shaved my head for a very near and dear friend of mine. She is fighting one of life’s most dangerous battles, stage-4 ovarian cancer, all the while trying to be a supportive parent to her daughter who is also battling cancer. Cancer just sucks…… there really is no eloquent way to put it.

The treatments had started to thin her hair out and she was going to cut it all off, before cancer and her chemotherapy treatments robbed her of it. I remember having a conversation with her in the early morning hours, and just being upset that she was doing this alone. I had asked her repeatedly to allow me to shave my head with her, so she wouldn’t have to do it alone. Initially she said no, actually, she said no probably 50 times.

Finally she allowed me to do it with her. I was shocked at her finally agreeing to it, and then immediately had a moment of doubt, “oh no, what did I get myself into?” ran through my head as I ran my fingers through my thick hair… After that moment, it was the last time I ever thought twice about it. I was beyond excited to cut my hair, and to share this moment with my friend Vanessa.

Vanessa is a former co-worker of mine, and we had shared many many bouts of laughter, and a few tears (sometimes from laughing so hard you couldn’t breath, and so tears are forced from your eyeballs.) haha, more than just a coworker though, I consider Vanessa and her family to be an extension of my own. I shaved my head, and the entire time thinking about the fun Halloween costumes I could do. (I wanted to paint myself gold and go as “Buddha” no religious discrimination intended; it just would have been funny.) we laughed and joked that and other things throughout the day…. I had cut my hair, and not just short but it was like 5-o-clock-shadow short. I was still happy though, because I got to share that moment with Vanessa, and hopefully made it just a tiny bit less scary and a bit funnier. I was so content with my new look. I had never had a more fulfilling haircut in my life.

Right after we both shaved our heads……

I wore my bald head with pride, and only wore a beanie the immediate day after because it was raining, and if you’ve never shaved your head before, and had rain touch your scalp…. HOLY MOLY! IT IS REALLY FRICKIN’ COLD!!! I got the opportunity to share Vanessa’s story across the state and have people send their thoughts and prayers to my dear friend and her family.

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If you want to donate funds for her family, that would be fantastic, but not required. Here is the link to their page https://www.gofundme.com/daynastrong so you can read a bit more about it.

So bringing it back to words can hurt. They can, and will ONLY if you allow them to dictate your feelings. While I wanted to tell that callous, materialistic person that said that to me, a number of very colorful and inappropriate phrases chose not to. I chose not to feed in to her hatefulness, as that will only fuel the fire of hate that much more.

I guess the big picture and point to this blog is that we never know what someone is going through, and we all need to think carefully before we cast judgment on someone or his or her situation. Whether it is a bald head, a homeless person, or an older man walking with a cup of coffee. Who are we to cast judgment upon them? We don’t know what led them to their decisions/choices.

We can’t always assume that the 18 year old with slicked back hair and hoodie is a “druggie” and has “some real real problems.” We can however choose to spread light and love to everyone. To share a smile and a simple hello to a passerby, to buy an old man a cup of coffee, or to play a game of cards with someone. Do that and I promise, your day will be better.

Until next time…. love fiercely, smile, and spread light and love….

—L

Hey everyone, it’s been a while. I’m sure all three of my blog readers have missed me. Joking of course, as you know, there are very few entries in this thing I call my blog. That’s because I only write when I have inspiration, or when the desire to share something with the world presents itself.

I got the privilege to enjoy a conversation with a gentleman today that I’ve seen before, and have fulfilled his requests in the past. I did my job however I had never spoken with him. So just to put a name to a face (because I really don’t know his name… yet) we will call him Joey. Joey comes up and makes his requests for fulfillment and I start to work on them. When he goes to pay for his drinks, he starts to tell me about his experience at IHOP. He leads into the story about his usual server we are going to call “Monica” that takes care of him, not having any space in their respective section to be the person to take care of him. This person then goes and asks a fellow server “Rachel” (yes, I’m using ‘Friends’ characters, because it should help with your visualization) if she could occupy one of her empty tables, (now if you’re a server or have ever been in the food industry, your “section” is your territory and the primary source of your income for the shift. You protect your territory, and on the rare occasion you give part of it away) the server said “sure” and so Joey took his seat at the table.

Upon ordering and completion of his meal however Joey realized that he did not have any money with him, and then asked his server Monica, to speak to Rachel. Well Rachel arrives at the table and Joey proceeds to tell her in embarrassment his particular situation and asks her to borrow money to pay his bill. Not knowing the outcome or how Rachel would react to his request he put himself out there. Well he said something that really hit home with me. He gave us the back story that Rachel has children, is a single mother, and this is her source of income. Well upon his request he said that Rachel didn’t even skip a beat, take a moment of hesitation at this unusual request, but immediately reached in her apron and pulled out cash, sufficient to cover the bill as well as a small tip for her co-worker Monica. Servers work for a very low hourly rate with the understanding that their income will be supplemented by the amount of tips earned in their shift. Rachel without questioning Joey gave away her income to help him out, and her fellow co-worker Monica, and put herself last. I was shocked at how this story ended up.

It made me really think, if I were Rachel, would I have done the same? Of course, I would like to say I would, but in that moment I might not have reacted the same. I know a lot of people would struggle with that choice/decision as well. There is nothing wrong with that either, but I find it interesting that Joey shared that story with me. I finished up my conversation with Joey and he was getting ready to walk away, and told me, “You never know what someone’s story is, but you do know that you should never talk down to someone because of where they are in life.” He was right. Completely changed my mood, not that I was in a bad mood, but I was left with a little more faith in humanity from my conversation with Joey.

So about 10 minutes later an older man comes up carrying something in his arms. Let’s call him Ross (no, there is no relation between Monica and Ross, ha-ha) and asked several questions pertaining to the beverage he was ordering. He speaks with a very heavy accent he later explains is Colombian. I looked at what he was carrying and recognized it was a chessboard, now at this point and with my history of working with people, I’ve learned not to be assumptive and asked him if it was a chessboard. He confirmed it was, and so I told him that I knew how to play chess, not very well mind you, but I did know how to play. He smiled and said, “it is a good game, and I like the challenge.” So I asked Ross if he was meeting someone or had just finished playing a game, and he informed me that he plays 2 games by himself everyday. He stated that nobody plays with him, so he challenges himself, and it made me wonder if I secretly was meeting the muse of the Pixar short film “Geri’s game.”

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So Ross receives his order and then goes to sit down, and says to me, “One day when you aren’t busy, would you like to play a chess game with me?” I informed him that I wasn’t great, but I would be more than glad to play a game with him. He smiled and remarked as he was walking off, “I’m going to kick your butt young man.” I couldn’t’ help but smile, and look forward to actually sitting and playing a game of chess with Ross, and learning just a little bit more about him.

Anyways, in life we are often times put in situations where we are asked to do things we wouldn’t normally do. Sometimes it involves physically taxing labor, other times it can be as simple as playing a game of chess with an older person, or it can be finding forgiveness in your heart for something that has happened in the past. Whatever the situation may be, we will find ourselves faced with choices, and decisions that are left to us to make. So what decision would you have made? Only you can answer that, not to me, but to yourself. I do urge you to think about each other, your peers, loved ones, brothers and sisters, and each and every other inhabitant of this great planet. Be a Rachel because the world is in dire need of more Rachel’s.

If you’d like, leave a comment, I love to read peoples thoughts, or share this with your friends.

Until next time, be well, love fiercely, spread light, and make a choice.

Always,

–L

thissideoftheuniverse

ramblings and thoughts of a wonderer and a wanderer

a bald head, and a remark.

Be a Rachel…. (it’ll make sense later)